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Self-Love Series - The Complexity and Psychology of Self-Esteem



Assessing self-esteem can be quite problematic. The issue lies in the fact that self-esteem can fluctuate on a moment-to-moment basis throughout the day. It is also often related to a role or function. Some people can have millions of dollars while also battling social anxiety or depression. Others are excellent at dating but awful at work. However, it is significant that the confidence lies in the person’s perception of himself or herself in that particular field.

Self-esteem stems from our attachment to something. For example, a chef might take pride in his status as a wonderful cook. And if you were disappointed in the food, the chef would be very unhappy compared to somebody who does not cook for a living. The same applies to any person who is proud of the role that he or she is doing. And this is why self-love is on another level. It is not attached to anything. Because whenever you are attached to something out of identification, your validation stems from what others think.

Even if it is positive, it is still temporary. But self-love is non- dualistic and constant once you practice it. Building Self-Esteem There is no set routine for building self-esteem. While scientific studies have confirmed the benefits, they have been unable to provide a standardized means of improving self-esteem. This is because each human being is very complex and multifaceted.

Science understands almost nothing about how the human being perceives his or her reality and associates with the past and the present. And it has not made any inroads whatsoever into the dream sleep and its significance. Many of the products and services designed to enhance self- esteem have the opposite effect of their stated purpose. People often times feel worse after taking them. This is because these products are services tend to be externally orientated, such as cosmetics, voice tonality, fancy clothes, and other superficial modalities. Even immersion can be difficult for those suffering from social anxiety and other issues. If a person is nervous speaking in front of a crowd, then forcing them to repeat this action could simply lead to a breakdown and further trauma. On the flip side, there are things that you can do. While there is no “one size fits all” approach that can help with self- esteem, every individual will respond well to certain healing modalities. The trick lies in finding out what this is and helping the individual to overcome it. This is what psychology and shadow work is all about. The person can see the difficulties more clearly using dream work, journaling, direct communication, hypnosis, and other forms of therapy. Once these demons are brought to the light of consciousness, they can dissipate.


Unfortunately, it is a lot harder than it sounds and these ingrained tendencies do not simply dissipate usually. Figuring out Self-Esteem There is a constant debate within the spiritual and psychological community about the ‘correct’ way forward with self- esteem and with healing in general. Some push for positivity, others shadow work. Some advocate integration, others say that ‘letting go’ is the best approach. Some state that balance and harmony are the ultimate pinnacles of healing, more dictate that creative chaos is the natural state of a universe that is constantly changing. The fact is that all these approaches will work at certain times for certain people. Some people might need to integrate the various parts of themselves, while other patients might really need to let go of issues. As always, the best way to build confidence in a patient suffering from depression or low self-esteem of some sort is to let them communicate their feelings openly first and establish an open dialogue. Instead of simply pushing therapy on the person, alternative therapies could be suggested. In the way, the person uses his or her own power and resources to come up with creative answers. And it could be anything from painting to diet to meditation to going back to university. Practical Ways to Build Self-Esteem As complex and multifaceted as building self-esteem might be, there are still several down to earth and practical ways to enhance it. Taking yourself out of situations where you are not confident is equally as important as putting yourself in places, where you have high levels of self-esteem.


The following are 7 practical ways to build self-esteem. 1. Put Your Health First - Always put your health and well-being first. Nothing is more important than being stress-free in a healthy body. This will also involve a certain amount of discipline. Exercise regularly and tend to diet, as health is attractive and will lead to self-esteem. By looking and feeling better, people will also start to treat you better. 2. Save Money - Regardless of your beliefs about money, it is needed to function. And you should have a healthy amount of it at hand so that you do not have to worry about it. Save a certain amount of money and budget so that you always have enough for the bills in advance. Anxiety and stress over money takes up a lot of mental and emotional resources. 3. Build Competence - Whatever your role is, make sure you are competent at it. Like a lack of money, if you worry about being able to perform your job then your well-being will suffer. Competence is one of the best things to assist in building confidence. Whatever you are good at, try to get better.


4. Focus - Do not exert all your resources trying to do too many things at once. Keep it simple and focus on doing one thing at a time. Many people overexert themselves with too many tasks or go the other way with too much vacation time. You can use focus to build money and competence slowly over time. 5. Meditation - Health, money, and competence are the building blocks of a healthy human being. But after this, it is time to take it to the next level and build confidence that is hard to shake in any circumstances. Meditation can assist in detaching you from reality, so you are not as affected by the thoughts and opinions of others anymore. It will not work overnight, but it works. 6. Inner Assessment - You need to identify core fears and beliefs that you have and find some way to work on them. There are online questionnaires which can help you to identify what your beliefs are. You can use affirmations to help change these beliefs or work on them using physical activities.


7. Reframe - Reframing is a great way to put yourself into a good mood. When something happens that you do not like, simply list the good that came out of it. Everything can be reframed, and everything is subjective in any case. Nobody sees the same situation in the same way.

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